Prioritising our closest relationships

Leadership Lab Global works with International Schools around the world, and a range of our New Zealand Leadership Lab team have been involved in international projects over the last 10 years.

Recently, Leadership Lab Global developed a new initiative called the “Thriving couples in leadership Retreat’ in Bintan, Indonesia. This retreat was an opportunity for leaders and their partners, in their highly visible roles, to invest time in their relationship and for their schools to recognise the importance of prioritising it. It also provided the opportunity for partners to share together the challenges, tensions and opportunities these unique roles provide.

Heads of School and Principals in international schools often balance intense leadership demands with the challenges of international life; The impact on these relationships can be brutal and often is not acknowledged.

“The bottom line – in our international school leadership journey, we have seen too much separation and divorce, too much loneliness, too much isolation, nowhere to turn to as couples, and no acknowledgment of the importance of “us” as a couple (a leader and spouse). We talk about the importance of relationships in our personal wellbeing and in our school communities, we talk about embracing people’s lives, but we do not talk or provide space for a conversation about the wellbeing of our most important relationship – that with our spouse or partner”. 
Dee and Kevin Baker – American International School of Guangzhou

This retreat was an opportunity for leaders and their partners to take a break together in a relaxed, beautiful setting, well removed from the distractions and pressures of their workplace. This retreat explored the question: “How do we invest in our relationships with our partners so we can both thrive in our International School contexts?” In particular, it acknowledged and explored various issues, dilemmas, and tensions that couples in similar roles may experience, which are unique to the International School Leadership context. It then explored options and ideas other couples have intentionally used to help their relationships survive and flourish.

Based on participant feedback, we intend to offer additional retreats at the same location and in other regions. This is part of a wider global conversation we have hosted at several leadership conferences, and we are continuing to feed a growing range of feedback and data into it. (i.e., EARCOS Leadership Conference Bangkok). We have been dreaming this up for a couple of years with good friends Dee and Kevin Baker, and we are committed to contributing to a culture change where leaders and their partners are acknowledged and supported more fully. We are also wondering if this could be a need for leaders and their partners in New Zealand, and what an Aotearoa-focused version of this might look like?

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This reflection piece was written by Lyn Jansen and Chris Jansen – Directors of Leadership Lab Global