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July 1st, 2021
Knowing Our No
Recently I attended a Matariki retreat with my colleagues from Leadership Lab. Held at Living Springs, which is located at the head of Lyttelton Harbour, it was a 24-hour space to pause and reconnect with the deep purpose which brings meaning to our lives. It was also a chance to celebrate Matariki; reflecting on and giving thanks for the year that has been, and acknowledging those who are no longer with us. Having recently lost my mother I found the latter quite challenging and was incredibly grateful for the love and support of those around me.
In preparation for the retreat, we were asked to collect ‘Best Self Stories’ from friends and colleagues – short narratives about when we had been observed at our best. It is a truly humbling and enlightening experience to read stories of when others have seen you at your best and interesting to see your strengths through the eyes of others.
During the retreat, and under the guidance of Pete Cammock, we identified which of our strengths brought us the most joy and were therefore likely to be our gifts. Pete then invited us to think about our calling. We did this by reflecting on the following two questions:
- What brings us deep gladness?
- What does the world need?
Knowing our calling means we are able to live a life directed to the fulfillment of our purpose. Heady stuff, but also important in an age where people are stretched to their limit trying to be all things to themselves and others.
Being clear about calling brings clarity as to where we direct our energy. But if you are anything like me, you will regularly get caught up doing things that might be good and important, but are not aligned to your calling. Saying yes is often easier, and feels better than, saying no.
Even once we ‘Know Our No’ we are not out of the woods. It is possible to be exploited for our gifts, either by people making unreasonable demands on us or we do it to ourselves.
How often do we prioritise meeting the needs of others over our own needs and the needs of our whānau? Too often I am guessing. And the bad news is that the better we get at what we do, the harder it is to say no.
For many, this week marks the end of another busy term. The next two weeks offer, for those who would like it, a time to pause and reflect. The following three questions might be helpful:
- Which of my strengths brings the most joy?
- What brings me deep gladness?
- What does the world need?
Having a clear understanding of our calling helps us to ‘Know Our No’ and reclaim precious time to give back to ourselves and those who we love.
In the spirit of walking my talk, I am pausing Thursday Thinking over this holiday break. After the recent and unexpected death of my mother and the subsequent rapid acceleration of my father’s dementia, it is time to take my own advice.
Carolyn Stuart | Founder, Weaving Futures | Leadership Consultant, Leadership Lab
July 1st, 2021
Knowing Our No
Recently I attended a Matariki retreat with my colleagues from Leadership Lab. Held at Living Springs, which is located at the head of Lyttelton Harbour, it was a 24-hour space to pause and reconnect with the deep purpose which brings meaning to our lives. It was also a chance to celebrate Matariki; reflecting on and giving thanks for the year that has been, and acknowledging those who are no longer with us. Having recently lost my mother I found the latter quite challenging and was incredibly grateful for the love and support of those around me.
In preparation for the retreat, we were asked to collect ‘Best Self Stories’ from friends and colleagues – short narratives about when we had been observed at our best. It is a truly humbling and enlightening experience to read stories of when others have seen you at your best and interesting to see your strengths through the eyes of others.
During the retreat, and under the guidance of Pete Cammock, we identified which of our strengths brought us the most joy and were therefore likely to be our gifts. Pete then invited us to think about our calling. We did this by reflecting on the following two questions:
- What brings us deep gladness?
- What does the world need?
Knowing our calling means we are able to live a life directed to the fulfillment of our purpose. Heady stuff, but also important in an age where people are stretched to their limit trying to be all things to themselves and others.
Being clear about calling brings clarity as to where we direct our energy. But if you are anything like me, you will regularly get caught up doing things that might be good and important, but are not aligned to your calling. Saying yes is often easier, and feels better than, saying no.
Even once we ‘Know Our No’ we are not out of the woods. It is possible to be exploited for our gifts, either by people making unreasonable demands on us or we do it to ourselves.
How often do we prioritise meeting the needs of others over our own needs and the needs of our whānau? Too often I am guessing. And the bad news is that the better we get at what we do, the harder it is to say no.
For many, this week marks the end of another busy term. The next two weeks offer, for those who would like it, a time to pause and reflect. The following three questions might be helpful:
- Which of my strengths brings the most joy?
- What brings me deep gladness?
- What does the world need?
Having a clear understanding of our calling helps us to ‘Know Our No’ and reclaim precious time to give back to ourselves and those who we love.
In the spirit of walking my talk, I am pausing Thursday Thinking over this holiday break. After the recent and unexpected death of my mother and the subsequent rapid acceleration of my father’s dementia, it is time to take my own advice.
Carolyn Stuart | Founder, Weaving Futures | Leadership Consultant, Leadership Lab
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